I know, I know, I really let the time go. I can’t believe the year got away from me the way it did. So many things have happened since March. I feel like a whole lifetime has passed since then. I am not sure if it is in a good or bad way, but I certainly don’t feel like the same person I was those months ago. I think that if I look back and wonder if I would change anything about how I would’ve handled any certain situation, I don’t think I would have. I think life happened exactly the way it was supposed to for me to end up where I am now. I think that is how it always happens. So, now here we are, on 31 December, wondering how so much time got away and wondering how so much changed and wondering if even more is going to change now that the chips have fallen.

I am not sad about where I am now. I have gone to so much therapy, done some internal healing, and some external. Agonized over different options and thought a million different ways how I could’ve done things other ways, what other outcomes could there have been? Would it have affected my relationships, my friendships, how I am living, what my job situation is, where I am currently? Do I want anything to be different? How do I feel about it? I am not fully sure. I am still sitting with so many emotions. Most are processed, but still a large number are not. I think that is also alright.

There are some things that I can’t quite talk about yet, at least not until everything has come to fruition the way it is supposed to. I know that some people have followed the journey with me personally and know what I am talking about and I am sure that will be a whole series on its own, but it has been its own separate learning experience in itself. Separate from that of how to navigate a romantic relationship, more personal and deep and cutting. I think that it is something that I will be processing for a long time. I am also working on some other projects that I hope to share with you all in the new year that are a little more exciting and less depressing. Hopefully those will come out sooner rather than later.

Creativity has eluded me this year, but I can feel it building within me. I have been working on my personal hobbies. Trying to find things that bring me personal joy, that make me feel alive and that challenge me. I have been playing piano and trying out scrap journaling. I admit it has taken up time away from writing that I wish I had put more into, but at the same time it has brought me a different type of happiness.

I have also found someone that I think worth sharing my time with. Someone worth investing into and who is both friend and lover. Someone who I think can truly see me without the mask and someone who I can really fully be myself with, without having to hide parts of myself. It has been a freeing and challenging experience, but one that I have enjoyed exploring over the last few months.

I have so many other things to talk about and write about and many things I need to contemplate before putting into words. I know that many people follow this blog and I am sorry to keep anyone waiting in suspense for this long. I am hoping to make a resolution to myself to blog a bit more on top of my other hobbies as well as some other things I’d like to do to assist with my personal growth. I am so grateful to have this platform, and I am looking forward to seeing what lies ahead. As always thank you for being here with me.