03/06/2023: Allowing myself to live in the moment. It is funny how we fall into these patterns. I am looking back and remembering how I was living life before and triyng to do the same, but better with what I know now. I need to take my own advice and trust the process.02/06/2023: I am also so critical of myself and I have to remember that everything is already happening for me that I hoped and worked and prayed for. I have to trust the process and let it be. It’s not a race and I am happy on this journey.12/22/2022: I have been working so hard recently. I got promoted at work, I am receiving more than I ever thought would be possible at this point and yet I still feel like it isn’t enough. I feel behind. Like I am running towards my dream, but barely getting close. I am trying to enjoy the little moments. Hopefully I can breathe easier into the new year. 9/22/2022: It’s my birthday this weekend and the last month and a half has been chaos as usual. Trauma therapy, extreme anxiety, reliving things I never wanted to again, trying to understand that I am an alright human being doing their best. Learning that sometimes relationships have conflict and not everything is my fault no matter what my brain tells me. Remember to be kind to yourself. That is something that has escaped me the last 45 days. Love yourself and know that everything happens for a reason. #297/18/2022: Summer nights, mid-July…it has been a wild few months. I took some time off to reflect and continue working towards the life I’ve always wanted for myself. And now you can see why I don’t do social media as a full-time job. I am so content with life at the moment. Enjoying the fulfillment of being in love and being loved. Everything I have worked and prayed for is finally coming to me and I couldn’t be happier. I am excited for this chapter of my life and the many more to come. 5/9/2022: I missed April, but the start of my May flowers was also bittersweet. I laughed and cried and felt so many things that I know I may never feel again. I loved with everything and felt a loss that I know will sit with me forever. I sometimes look back on old memories and wish I could go back just to experience them all over again and that was this past trip to Vegas. I am excited for summer and ready to make even more amazing memories.3/17/2022: Coming into the full moon I have been hit with a lot of hard truths about myself that I was not ready to face or come to terms with. The Universe is HITTING me with the hard facts and it’s time I really look inward and start fixing some shit. No one wants to be uncomfortable or self-aware about their personal red flags, but sometimes the toxic behavior is just a vicious cycle and there has to be an end game. I hope that after these self-realizations I can come out as a better human and remember not to beat myself while I’m down. 2/28/2022: I think I’ve ruined a lot of things by worrying. By trying to predict and set the outcome. By not living in the moment. But I am so afraid of failure. To be alone. That I allowed myself to bleed onto others and hurt them unintentionally. So here is another month of trying to push forward in life and hoping for the best.1/03/2022: It was a long 2021. I went through pain I didn’t think I’d recover from. I loved harder than I thought I could. I’m still learning how to be with myself. I hope that one day I can heal without bleeding on others. So, we’re going to try starting the year by making sure I’m meeting my own needs first. We’ll see where it goes from there.11/12/2021: Another year, more seasonal depression. I am starting a new chapter. I am a new person in a lot of ways. I am doing things on my own again. It’s funny how everything comes full circle. I think this time I’ll really be able to come into myself. I am ready to begin again. Also, happy Taylor Swift day xoxo10/04/2021: It was a wild month of September. My birthday month. The month of insane opportunities. So many wonderful things happened and I am so grateful for where they led me. It is almost the end of the year and it my favorite time. Embracing new opportunities, accepting what comes to me, and being ready for the new year. 8/19/2021: Sometimes I wonder what it’s like to really be happy. I know I have felt it many times before, but maybe there is a time where it could be different, feel different. There were times I thought I felt it. That blissfulness that comes from not having any worries or cares, knowing that in that exact moment there was nothing else that mattered. I am trying to create new pockets of bliss for myself. Trying to allow better things to come in. Maybe even love. The anniversary of my first love comes back to hit my hard and there is no love felt between us anymore. I wonder sometimes if I can eve count him as my first love, feels like an insult. My biggest lesson ever learned. Love yourself first. 7/20/2021: I sometimes forget how far I’ve really come. I think about everything I’ve gone through in the past 6 months and over the past couple of years. It is crazy to think about all the things that changed me and molded me into a new kind of person. I sometimes forget that though. I am trying to realize my worth and it is something both eye opening and terrifying. I am not sure who I am becoming yet, but I am happy to be on the ride. 06/02/2021: It’s funny how I thought I was manifesting what I wanted, but in reality I was allowing what I thought I deserved into my life. I wasn’t ready or prepared for the opportunities that have come to me in recent months and I understand why I had to go through the struggle. Greater things are coming and I am ready for them now. 05/02/2021: I am FINALLY getting to where I want to be. I have been working my ASS off to move mountains and finally live the life I want and deserve. I know I haven’t posted in a long time which was not my intent, but I have been killing it. This is the year of change and manifesting the best. I am so ready to really be able to help others and myself. I am so excited to share my journey with all of you. 4/21/21: Been working on a lot of projects and life things recently. I am really honing in on bettering myself and where I want to be in my life. Getting rid of anything and everything that doesn’t benefit me in the long run. More to come on this journey, but I am starting to finally appreciate it.
03/05/2021: I have a problem where I tend to get stuck in the past and overthink situations or relive memories over and over. It makes it hard to move on from things or people sometimes. March feels like a month for change and there are definitely things at work that I am pushing towards. I don’t think anything is too late, but there is a time where you have to ask yourself if it’s time to move on.
02/04/2021: The past month and a half has been a roller coaster of emotions and changes. I was able to keep the one person I wanted in my life, I moved across the country for a job, and I have been battling the darkest corners of my mind the past few weeks. I’ve realized that everything I went through has brought me to this point and I need to start being comfortable in my own darkness.
01/06/2021: This past year has been a roller coaster of emotions and even though there were more downs than ups I wouldn’t have changed any of it for anything. I met some of the best people and had some amazing experiences and life lessons. Although I don’t have any concrete resolutions, I can’t wait to see what 2021 has in store for me.12/02/20: Even though it seems like I’ve hit rock bottom once again, I haven’t given up yet. As I re-adjust to being back home and acclimating from Korea, I have seen what kind of resilience I really have. I am pushing myself to limits I didn’t know I had and I am breaking barriers. I know it’s not the end. Keep going even when you don’t think you have another “it is what it is” in you.11/23/20: R. M. Drake is one of my favorite writers. I came across this while I was thinking about different people in my life and I felt like I had to post it. I have so much love left to give and I know my person is out there even if they’re distracted right now. I have to keep believing it. My heart isn’t completely broken yet.11/02/20: Strange when things end and you go back to being alone and getting back into that routine of being alone. A little part of you is hurting and it’s hard to want to form connections or connect with those people in your life who were already there. Trying to understand that being alone isn’t always a bad thing. It’s a time to self reflect and heal. So, take your time and come back when you’re ready. 10/14/20: A small reminder that I am who I am no matter what and if I can’t find someone who sees my worth then I’m better off continuing to do me on my own. 09/24/20: This is the year I take real control over my situation and change my life. What are you going to do with the rest of your 2020? (OG quote and photo taken by yours truly)
08/26/20: It’s been almost a year since I really posted in here. Sorry about that. The past year has really been about growth and learning to love myself. It has been eyeopening and I truly think that everything happens for a reason. Don’t forget to take time for you and enjoy the little things. 11/10/19: It’s been hard. Some days I struggle to get out of bed. It’s weird that little over a month ago I was so vibrant and happy. It’s sad that I’ve been reduced to this. I know it isn’t forever, it’s just hard right now. I just want to be in love with life again.10/30/19: I always wonder what kind of song we are in and what sort of chorus we’ll end up with. I hear you in certain wavelengths, I feel your touch in a beat, I can sense your breath on a note. You 1/29/19: It’s crazy how I can name each one of these individuals. I came to a realization last night that scares the hell out of me that I may have actually found the one. How do you know for sure?
1/18/19: I talked to a friend today about past relationships and things that I’ve dealt with in the past. I started to realize that I had feelings of guilt and self-loathing for putting up with certain things as well as wondering “why me?” I realize that I always give 110% into every relationship and friendship I go into. For once I want someone to put effort into ME. I think that’s something that I deserve.1/7/19: Sometimes I find it hard to take control of my negative thoughts. I know that I am capable of more than I think, but sometimes I can’t get out of my own head. This is the year I take control of it. This is the year I break free.1/6/19: It’s sad I think, that the whole reason I started writing again was over a boy. Someone who sparked a passion in me that swelled and filled me so much that I had no other option but to let it out somehow. So now here we are. I’m writing again, still missing you, and still coming to terms with the fact you are probably never going to be in my life again.02/12/13: This kind of speaks to how I am feeling today. I just need to listen to a good song, curl up in bed with a good book and contemplate where things are going. I know things are going to get on track for me, but until my ducks are all in a row I feel like at the moment I’m mostly in one piece before everything falls apart again.02/12/13: In honor of the Maroon 5 concert coming up on Valentine’s Day, this is the quote of the day. It is the opening line from their song Daylight. I chose it because in the song Adam sings about how it is going to be his and his lovers’ last night and they want to make it last. It’s ultimate love and even though the two will eventually have to leave each other, they are going to make their last night last.02/13/14: It’s almost Valentine’s Day! And in honor of that I have this quote. I want that love that never ends, the kind that rips open your heart and makes you feel more than you have ever felt. The kind that pours into your soul and the kind that you know is true. That’s the kind of love that I want. And that’s the kind that everyone deserves.02/14/13: SO! I didn’t have a chance to post a quote yesterday because I was at the Maroon 5 concert!! I will tell you. Even from far away Adam Levine is a GOD. My goodness that man makes me swoon. I felt bad for my boyfriend! He had to hold me most of the night, not that I was complaining. Anyway’s this is a quote from my favorite song Lucky Strike. And believe me when I say, the effects they used for the song were absolutely PERFECT. It was a perfect night and I couldn’t have imagined spending it any other way.02/15/13: So, since I didn’t post last night. Here is another wonderful Maroon 5 quote. It is from the amazing song Daylight. Check out their music video! Very inspiring! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N17FXwRWEZs
Life As I Know It 