Written on the 18th of May 2012. When I was heartbroken and very lost.
Love. A four letter word that can mean so much or mean nothing at all. In this society, it is tossed around like a used rag. Useless and meaningless. A word I used and meant with all my heart and soul. A word that got me nothing but pain. It shattered my heart and bruised my soul. All I want to do is hate people, protect myself from the possibility of pain. I don’t want to feel. All I want is someone who really loves me for me, but in this day and time, it seems like that dream is impossible to reach. I would throw myself in front of bullets for some people who would use me as a shield. Real friends? I have none. Love is the most complicated feeling/thing in the world. It changes a person, can drive them to insanity, overjoyed optimism or depression. It will throw you for a loop and then leave you with nothing. It would be easier to have never loved than to feel its effects. It will break your heart and crush your soul. It will sweep you off your feet and you will get caught in the moment and then it will be like the candle in your soul is doused out. And you are stranded in your own emptiness. To only feel hated though, would also be a punishment. It would eat from the inside out until it consumed you and again are left with nothing but emptiness.