The Lull

It’s been a quiet couple of days. The calm before the storm. I have been doing a lot of thinking into what I want out of my future. How I move forward from this point on. There have been a lot of set backs and “day 1” do overs, but eventually everything will buff.

I was looking at different job opportunities and an ad popped up about studying abroad in Spain for a year to get a Masters degree. Completely offhand, I decided to look into it and see what it was about with zero regard for time, money, etc. It was almost too perfect to pass up. So, another idea on hold while I wilt in this place.

Korea has been both a blessing and a curse. I have learned so much from my time here. Suffered, had sleepless nights, anxiety, and been to my breaking point on multiple different occasions. It has been extremely rewarding in the sense that I was able to overcome one of the worst experiences I have ever been part of and still be standing where I am now.

Over the past few days and weeks, I have really wondered about my life and how it could be or could have been. I’m not really one for dwelling on the past, but I think it’s interesting to see how far away all your goals were and what you accomplished up to the present. I escaped an abusive relationship, got my bachelors degree, commissioned as an Army Officer, moved to two different states in the course of 10 months, moved across the country for nearly 2 years, and have overcome one of the biggest obstacles I never thought I’d deal with in my lifetime. Honestly, it could be way worse.

Since being stuck in Korea, I have constantly felt “trapped” in a sense that my life can’t move forward. Sure, I’m collecting a paycheck, I’m still working, but it is no longer rewarding as I feel betrayed by the organization I would have willingly given everything to. The machine chugs on with or without you. A hard pill to swallow. Feeling like a failure brings you to a low that is almost impossible to come back from, but you have to kick and scream and fight. No one is going to care about you more than yourself.

As my thoughts start to dwindle, I’ll leave with this. I have found, forged, made my own opportunities. Multiple. I crawled out of the deep dark abyss and put myself back on my own damn feet. I am making waves. I am fighting back. I am pushing until there’s nothing left to push. And when I finally get out of here there won’t be any single obstacle outside of my own mind that is going to stop me and my end game.

Thank you as always for the support. Know where you sit. Stick with your tribe. Manifest the impossible. I’ll be here with you along the way.

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