Depressing? That sounds accurate…

Well, friends, you must be wondering where the hell I’ve been for the past month. It’s been very frustrating and exhausting the past few weeks. I’ve struggled more than I thought, faced death a few times, and in the light of everything that has happened, somehow managed to still be breathing. Honestly? It’s been completely shitty this past month. I hate this whole college business, I want to throw down my apron and quit, but no. Not this gal. I will come out on top. Sure I’m gonna bitch and moan about it, but at least I’m working my ass off for something that’s gonna get me through the rest of my life.

I have been seriously searching and searching for a tattoo quote that best explains myself and what I have gone through. Here are some that I have found so far:

Words are all I have (original), Life doesn’t stop for anybody, Everything happens for a reason, I am all in a sea of wonders (Bram Stoker), I got through yesterday; I’ll get through today.

I really like the last one, it is from a book I finally checked out after making time. It’s called Where She Went by Gayle Forman, It is the sequel to If I Stay which is a very moving book that literally brought tears to my eyes at the end. My life has consisted of nothing but never-ending work, school, and life. It’s very tiring, life. It makes you want to run and run and never stop because once it catches up to you, you age a hundred years. It has really crippled me. I have circles under my eyes, I’m out of shape and hunched over, I still look twelve years old, but that’s only because I’m short. I feel like I’m stuck in one part of my life that I wish would just be over.

Stress, anxiety, depression. I am a big fat ball of emotion, that I really don’t understand how anyone could stand to be within twenty feet of my black aura. The only thing that tends to keep me somewhat sane is my boyfriend. He is my rock, my go-to guy when I feel like crap. He’s been there for me through my worst times and he hasn’t run screaming for the hills yet. I am very thankful for him. That is a little off course, but I figured I’d add a little bit of sunshine to this black hole of an entry.

I promise I’m not suicidal, at least not seriously. There are days where I look for the rope and a chair, but today isn’t that day. Tomorrow isn’t that day, and next week probably won’t be any of those days either. I have my whole life ahead of me.  And even though things look bleak now, I know that somewhere, someday way down the road, in the future, things are going to be better for me. I hope that this wasn’t too horribly depressing for you all. I know that everyone was SO worried about my well being.

Well, that is all for the night. Everyone, stay happy. At least if I can’t be I know someone out there is doing okay. Goodnight.

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