Whelp. It’s been a few days since the last little depressive incident, but here we are. It’s interesting to see where we are in everything and how we progress. I have officially graduated BOLC and am an Artillery Officer. It was a grueling 5 months (or rigorous as everyone would say and will forever be a trigger word) and it feels good to know I accomplished the most difficult officer course and came out more or less better for it.
A little something else I found while I was at BOLC was a “who”. It’s a little funny. I wasn’t looking for anything. I went out and had a good time with a lot of different people, sure, but I wasn’t actively trying to find someone new to be in my life when I just got out of something pretty horrible.
I truly believe in the saying that everything happens for a reason and I think that it took a mixed bag of good and bad things to lead me to something amazing. I’m making a little note so I remember to chase the good. Leave the bad trends behind and appreciate that not everyone is the same. You have a choice to choose people who genuinely care about you and don’t try to change you or make you feel like you have to change who you are.
I hate hate HATE the people who go from relationship to relationship and talk about how much they love the person they’re with at the time even though they were just with someone else last week. But I’m starting to understand now. You could be with someone for years and years and never feel how you can feel with someone you spend three days with. I think it’s just dependent on the person and the situation and timing. Everyone deserves to be happy and I have zero right to feel that way or put down other people’s happiness. I think misery feeds misery though.
I completely believe in higher powers, whether it be fate, gods, or other. I think the universe works in ways that try you and push you to where you need to be. Along with all the messy, crazy detours. Much like a heartbeat, life isn’t meant to be lived in a straight flat line, otherwise, you’d just be dead.
So here’s my list. Chase the good and remember you’re not wrong for wanting it.
. . .
When they think it’s sexy that you have goals and ambitions. And being a strong, independent woman is a turn on.
Partnership over ownership.
When they open all the doors. And smack your ass as you walk through.
When they text you good morning and goodnight, call when they say they will, and don’t leave you hanging all day.
When they hold your hand, leg, waist, etc., rub your back longer than 30 seconds, and hold you until you fall asleep.
When they make an effort to remember the little things; birthday, favorite color, food, flowers, etc.
When they don’t care if you want to take pictures together and even make you take pictures with them.
When they make you feel beautiful, even with no makeup, looking like a total slob, when you’re eating a rotisserie chicken with two hands or crying at an episode of your favorite show and tell you you are.
When you feel completely at home with them. No guilt or worries about whether or not you overshare or are too much. They accept you completely quirks and all.
. . .
He makes me feel all these things and more. I haven’t been this content or at peace in so long, it’s a weird feeling. I’m excited to see where it takes us and I look forward to sharing my journey with you all. I have a short story for you tonight as well so keep an eye out for that. As always, thank you for reading.