It’s not me, it’s definitely you.

The thing I don’t think I’ll ever understand is how men decide they are going to get a girl, treat her like the most important thing in the world, and then just crush their hearts. Time and time again I’ve fallen for the same old thing. Boy likes girl, girl tells boy all the trauma that has happened and that they don’t want to feel that way again, boy reassures girl that they would never do what the last one did, boy does EXACTLY what the last one did, which makes it worse because they knew everything and still did it anyway.

What’s up with that? You just want to stroke your egos a bit? Prove you can get a girl who has sheltered her heart just so you can turn around and find something better? It’s all talk with y’all. You do the bare minimum in order to keep her around and use the absolute sweetest words to trap us and make us think it’s safe and then you leave us like we meant absolutely nothing to you. How fucked is that? I really want to pick your brains because it really seems like you don’t give a fuck or think you’re doing anything wrong.

When a girl tells you she’s been through some horrible things, it’s cruel and fucked up for you to think that it’s ok to lead her on or not have real intentions with them. I’m not saying you have to be in love with them or end up marrying them. That’s the whole point of dating. But telling a girl a bunch of bullshit so that she’s comfortable with you when you don’t mean it is NOT ok. You’re literally the worst kind of human being.

Yes, this stems from my own personal deeply rooted trauma, however a lot of people I love men and women have been put through the same routine over and over again with the same results. The thing about people like us though is that we are resilient. We don’t let the pain and shit people have put us through make us like them. We still love with our whole hearts when we meet new people, it just makes it a little harder for the next person to break in and see the true person underneath.

I have never hidden who I am. What you see is what you get, literally. I may not be the prettiest or fittest, but I have a good heart and I give everything I have into relationships. I want to talk to you all day, I want to know how your day is going and how I can make it a little better, I want to spoil you and get things for you that make me think of you. I don’t have to think about it, I don’t worry about the cost or whether it’s too much. All I’ve ever asked for is for common courtesy and commitment. Love me on my bad days, understand that I get jealous and that I’ve been cheated on multiple times, do things for me because you want to not because you feel like you have to; if there’s an issue be an adult and talk to me about it. I’ve been through the shit. I’m not gonna get mad or be immature about it. COMMUNICATE. That’s all I want.

Most of us don’t want or need a lot. We just want to feel loved and safe with you. The more you take what we have and throw it out the window the harder it is for the good ones to get in. But I guess those are the ones worth waiting for. If they care enough they’ll put in the work to win us over and actually take care of us.

Guys, please just let go of the fucking games. It’s time to grow up. Some of us are TIRED. Ladies, when a man tells you who they are and what they’re about BELIEVE them. If you have a gut feeling go with it. No more wasted time in 2019. It’s time for us to understand what we’re worth and wait for the right one. We deserve that. We gotta take time for ourselves and heal. I’m so horrible about that. I think I’m finally getting it though. When you say you’re “the happiest you’ve ever been” it’s only for that moment, you’re going to be that again later on and for the rest of your life.

So let’s smile more, love and be cautious, and understand what we’re worth.

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