Upside Down.

My entire life I thought I had a plan. I thought I had it all figured out. Turns out I still have a lot to learn. I’ve made plenty of mistakes, however now I know that it doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things and sometimes life decides that it’s time for a change.

I thought I would do the military thing forever. Maybe that isn’t something that fate had planned for me. One night, one person, one decision can change the entire course of your life. You never think about those things until, in the blink of an eye, they are altered forever. I didn’t have a Plan B, I didn’t think about the chances of what happened to me happening. Who finds out they might not continue their career as planned? Who finds out in that same instance that they have to get life altering surgery? You don’t think about it until you can’t do it anymore. That’s the sad thing.

Sometimes I care too much, it’s hard because that’s not something that I want to change about myself. I’ve always been a giver and I will continue to be. I love with my whole heart and sometimes that gets me into a lot of trouble. I overthink things that shouldn’t be overthought. I stress myself out and yet put on the brave face so that you don’t have to see those struggles. Even in my suffering, I never want anyone else to suffer or worry about me. As much as I’d like to isolate myself, I don’t think I physically or emotionally am able to.

The strangest thing about all this is that the more I think about it, the more I wonder what my purpose is on this earth. How am I supposed to go about my life? What was I meant to do here? I wanted to make a difference, I wanted to make other peoples’ lives easier and maybe I still can. We’ll see how it goes. Life is a mixed bag, mine is just at the bottom of a river right now. Hopefully we resurface soon.

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