While it might feel like my world is ending, understandably as I have been in the same place for almost two years, there is a lot I have had time to reflect on and deal with. My therapist told me that I have pretty much gone through all my phases of grief from the time I had my incident to now. It has been a struggle and I still break down from time to time. There are things that I will probably never emotionally or mentally recover from because of this place, but there was so much to be thankful for as my friend Jae reminded me.
I say this consistently, but everything really does happen for a reason. I would have never met E² or my finch. I wouldn’t have had life changing experiences, gone through a pandemic with fairly little changes to my normal life, seen what I was capable of in the face of extreme adversity. I am a strong fucking person. I know that most people wouldn’t have been able to survive what I’ve been through here. Not many people would have been able to learn more about themselves or see how their life has changed. I know that I shouldn’t put myself down for this small setback even though I beat myself up regularly for it.
There are many things I will miss about Korea and my work in general. Things are going to be so different after this, but I hope that for better or worse, I’ll be alright. I’ve made a lot of lists as I prepare to move on and these are a couple personal ones that I’d like to share.
Things I’ll miss about Korea:
Convenience stores on every single corner, inches from each other, 24 hours, anytime
Cafes and coffee shops all over the place
Amazing and affordable food – honestly the food is what I will miss the most about Korea
Basically how there are Korean markets everywhere and in the most unexpected places
Working with amazing and resilient people – most of whom have left, but who have kept me going while I’ve been here
Getting opportunities that most people would never have gotten to travel the world and see amazing places
Public transportation – PERIODT
The people – mostly the people who you get to know in restaurants and stores and who remember you when you go back even if it’s been months (even the odesshi and ojumas who are extremely nosy and rude sometimes lol)
Seoul – my home away from home
The fact I didn’t get to experience my hometown or some of the other major cities because I was entertaining other things
There are so many more things I know I am forgetting, but it has been such an unforgettable experience.
Things I regret about Korea:
Wasting my time on people and things who couldn’t have cared less about me
Deciding that going through my “hoe phase” was a good idea out here (SMH)
Overworking myself for an organization that didn’t care about me AT ALL
Not travelling more – mostly in country
Not going out of my comfort zone more
Allowing shitty people to treat me as such for long periods of time
Allowing myself to think that I was worthless and should be treated a certain kind of way
Not loving myself more while I was here
Making irreversible mistakes
I’m sure I left some things out. As I get ready to go out into the country I love so much one more time I will savor every moment and breath before returning home. It has been a JOURNEY one that I will never forget and cherish forever. It has been such a pivotal point in my life. I am only 27 years old and have so much more to give. It’s not over yet and I know the next chapter will be even more interesting and unpredictable. Hopefully, it will also be a little kinder and I will not have as harsh of lessons. As always, thank you for being here with me on this wild ride.