There are so many chances that we get in this lifetime that we don’t always take. But what do we miss out on because we were too scared? Too comfortable? Too worried about what everyone else would think? When do you walk away? How do you move on?
I always wondered why so many things in my life didn’t work out the way they were supposed to. Why I was always the one left heartbroken and hurting when the rest of the world was moving on. When the people who broke me were moving on. It hurt and I was angry, but somehow it all made sense in the end.
Most of these people come back in one way or another. Wanting me in their life even if all they can do is watch from the sidelines. Watch after every heartbreak the glow up and the progress. The downfalls and the starting from scratch. But things are different now.
It’s not about who you are and what you have, it’s what you do with it in this small amount of time we call life. I’ve decided to stop being afraid and let myself break every boundary I ever set for myself.
I want you in my life so badly. But I’ll never be in yours the way I truly want to and vice versa. Always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Yes, you love me, but you’d drop me in a second to preserve what you already have. And I’m ok with that.
Will it hurt? Absolutely. Will it break me? For a little while. But I’ll get up and brush off the broken pieces and move on like I always do. Second to no one, always on my own.
I’ve been content doing things the way I have for quite a while now. I enjoy my freedom and learning things about myself. Pushing more boundaries, breaking barriers, becoming the successful person I’ve always wanted to be. I am finally falling in love with who I’m becoming.
In all the 27 years I’ve been alive I have always felt subpar, like I wasn’t doing enough, that I could do so much more in this world. I used to want to be married and have a big family and be a housewife. Now I want a man who brings me to my knees, but also lets me be the badass woman I know I am. I don’t need a man to save me, I already saved myself.
Growth is a journey that we will never grow out of. We are always learning and maturing and getting to the next level. We learn from our mistakes and sometimes cringe at the things we did when we didn’t know better, but we are always becoming someone better.
I wasn’t the person I was ten years ago, hell I’m not even the same woman I was a year ago. I have changed so much and learned so much and I grow with that and take all of the amazing experiences with me to the next chapter.
He’ll always be it for me. I know this in my heart. If I go the rest of my life dominating on my own then I will. A piece of me will always belong to him and he knows that, but I also know that the day probably will never come that he’ll get to share that with me.
Something I always think about it, what would you do if no one cared what you did? What would you do if you truly didn’t care what other people though about you? What would you change in your own life? What if you chose what you really wanted in life? What if you could do all the things you wanted and more?
I think that everyone has the right to choose and I know that I’ll never be the first choice. Like I said, it’s something I’m ok with and understand and I’m happy with the choices I’ve made up to this point in my life.
Life is never predictable and you never know what’s going to happen so for now I’ll keep leveling up and manifesting the best things into my life.