A twin flame is an intense soul connection, sometimes called a “mirror soul,” thought to be a person’s other half. It’s based on the idea that sometimes one soul gets split into two bodies. … But they also help you overcome them and vice versa. – Sarah Regan

It’s funny how through the years I’ve formed different ideas and theories about the idea of soulmates and other halves. I believed so hard that there was one specific person out there that was your perfect match. But at the same time, they would just find you. You wouldn’t have to look.

That’s what happened to me and my person. Even though our paths crossed a couple times, I wasn’t aware of him until it was the right time. I have always been an advocate for “everything happens for a reason”. Because I think that there are certain events that have to happen in our lives in order for us to grow and move towards what we are meant for.

The universe and I have not always had the greatest relationship. The fact that I believe in a higher power has come from being raised religious and also being able to grow up and form my own opinions and ideas about things. Not to the credit of my parents who aren’t thrilled about my non practice.

A quote that I’ve really resonated with the past month from Soren Kierkegaard says, “life can only be understood backwards; but must be lived forwards”. It is something that I hate to the core, but that I have come to terms with. When looking back at my life choices, although there are some I wish I could change, I know that everything that happened led me to the person I am today.

Which leads me into my next point about partners, relationships, soul bonds, etc. I’ve talked about the fact there are only three great loves in your life. The one who teaches you, the one who breaks you, and the final one. I think that I’ve had a few people for each category, but recently I learned what twin flames are and it really spoke to me.

Sure, a lot of people are going to think I’m insane. I sometimes think I am, but I am also the happiest I’ve ever been in my life up to this moment.

My person, my puzzle, my other half, my finch. The one person who pulled me out of the darkest parts of myself and helped me grow into the person I’ve always wanted to be. The person who I want to call first and share the best and worst moments of my life with. The person I would do anything and everything for and who I do do those things for.

It’s funny how when someone isn’t on your radar, but is just outside of the blinking light, you can almost sense it. I was so blinded by what I thought was love that I barely noticed it. I could see it in the corner of my eye, but it hadn’t quite reached my full vision.

And then he came in. It was like my whole world stopped in that moment. It wasn’t spinning out of control, but frozen for just a second. Almost as if to say, “ahh, there it is. what we’ve been waiting for.”

I thought I had everything under control. The pull and the urge to spill my entire life to just from looking in his eyes was uncomfortable. It was the first time I was both attracted and apprehensive.

They say that your true person is meant to throw your entire life off balance and then bring it back again. To make you question things you never thought to consider. To make you jump off the cliff without a parachute and trust that they were going to catch you at the bottom. And I did it all without hesitation.

I cried. Agonized even. Over the idea that the one person who made me the happiest was also the one person I’d never have. Not in the true sense. And so I regrouped and looked at things from a different angle.

He infuriates me sometimes. When I really think about it. How can it make sense. To love more than one person in the same capacity? But when we’re together I feel like a whole. When we aren’t it feels like something is missing, but my heart is still connected to his. Two halves of the same person being pulled in different directions and when we collide it’s like a fire I never want to stop burning.

People tell me it isn’t fair. That I deserve more. That I can do better. And maybe I can, but until the right person comes along, I’m just content. Living my life still the way I want, while also enjoying the company and knowing that for once I have something secure in my life.

It is odd to some people. From the outside looking in I’m sure it’s bizarre and mostly frowned upon, but it’s just us when we’re together. I don’t think about or see anything else.

I had a thought while driving the 14 hours home the other night. I had been having dreadful thoughts all day. I didn’t really know why I was in such a foul mood, but I just knew something bad had happened. And in an instant a thought that I never thought would cross my mind came: is she dead? and the instant it came I felt the overwhelming urge to cry and throw up at the same time. I stopped in the middle of the highway and cried. Once the feeling passed I kept going and eventually made it home.

I don’t wish ill on anyone. There are moments when I can feel the physical emotions of another person or people who I care about the most. Sometimes things flit through my mind I have no control over. It made me think long and hard about the relationship I was in and what it meant going forward.

I have such big plans for my life. I am finally taking the leap on everything and seeing what I am really capable of. For the first time in a long time, I am confident in my ability to succeed.

Do I want someone by my side to experience everything with? Of course I do. Do I want it to be him? More than anything. But in my head to an extent I understand he’ll have to watch from the sidelines and I have to trek ahead on my own. Holding my own hand.

I know that even if we don’t end up together I’ll always get to have him in my life and for that I am so grateful. I have said it before and I won’t change my mind, I will take him in any capacity I am able and that he will allow. Whether we’re lovers or friends or something else, I know that we’ll always find each other.

“The chase” is most definitely a part of the twin flame relationship. At some point, one of you may walk away, out of fear, anger—you name it. But you’ll always come back. “If you’re in an ‘on and off’-again-type relationship, it could be with your twin flame,” Kaiser says. “You’ll find that things just keep bringing you together in random ways. Could be months, years, even decades; you just always find your way back to one another.”