Live in memories

I am afraid to commit because every time I think it might be my turn something happens and the universe pulls it away. I have cried over so many men. Broken my own heart more times than I care to admit. I want real love, but I don’t think it’s meant for me in this lifetime.

I know I flip back and forth, as is my air sign right, but all jokes aside I am someone who loves fully and deeply. I am also someone who can give my love to a lot of different people at once and be completely with them at the same time. Is that wrong? It is human nature to love multiple people. It is hard for me to believe that monogamy is for everyone.

Now, I am not saying that that is something for everyone, but I think that is for me. I have too much love to only give to one person. I thought I was marrying the love of my life when I was younger, but I know now that not everyone wants to be tied down. Not everyone is ready for the kind of love I provide.

I am a whole wife. I give wife privileges to people because I don’t like to hold back. I am someone you will never forget. I am someone who loves with every part of their being and who doesn’t really expect anything in return.

I don’t think I have ever really been loved properly. Had all my needs met. I speak every love language. I give my whole self physically and mentally. I am a simp at heart. A hopeless romantic. Not for everyone, but for everyone. I am the kind of love you dream about after it’s over.

I have had so many people come running back after leaving, but you won’t find me where you left me. I don’t wait for you. I will keep chasing the love high. I will keep searching for someone to fill the void even if it never happens. Because I deserve love even if it is only temporary.

I am comfortable. Maybe I give too much of myself to others. That’s why I stay so closed off. I am looking for a happily ever after that I’ll never get. There isn’t one person on this earth who will ever understand me or accept me for who I am and I am learning to be alright with that.

Everyone is meant to experience real love. One that is meant for the books. I have had the privilege of having that so many times over. I am happy to keep feeling the highs and lows of this life for as long as I am here.

I think there was some closure and heartbreak on this last trip that I will feel for the next few years. I was ready to let go, but was pulled back in and I think that will just keep happening for the foreseeable future.

I love love. I will live in these memories and all the ones before. I will take the lessons and keep getting better. I will not let it turn me bitter. I will keep on being positive and appreciating myself because I deserve love too.

As always thank you for your love and support. Keep loving and being positive. You all keep my head high. xxx

2 thoughts on “Live in memories

  1. I once heard this story: Because of love the walls around the heart was built. The more rejection and pain the higher and thicker the walls got. Until it was a fortress as it seems. Not knowing that there would be small cracks in the wall. Over the years the cracks got bigger, until finally the whole fortress came down. Now all that is left is a flimsy fence, people walk over it. The heart and all those feelings are exposed, protected only by the front gate. But still love never came. He never stopped believing. Moral of the story don’t cover up your pain and rejection. Love will always be there no matter what. (just a thought)

    1. I like this a lot and just recently had a talk with a friend related to this. Thank you for the support.

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