It feels odd to be almost 30. Like there is a detachment to it, in the fact that it is my last year in my 20s. There is some excitement, some anxiety, and overall worrying about if I am doing the right things for myself at this time. Am I overlooking anything? Would my younger self be proud of me?

There are a lot of things I am still coping with. trying to understand the ins and outs of my day-to-day life. Could I be doing something better? Am I doing the right things for my life? It feels like I should be further ahead. The setbacks of an early failed marriage sitting in my brain.

I feel happy for the most part. Like I am where I should be right now. That I am in the best version of my life. I am spending time with the people I want, I have the group of friends I want, I am making decisions to better my future.

Sometimes I wonder about if I had done some things differently. If I hadn’t gotten married, hadn’t messed up my military career, where would I be now?

There’s a lot of lost love in the life I’ve had. I miss some of those connections, but know that I am better off. I feel safe where I am for the most part when my fight or flight isn’t weighing me down.

I am letting my inner child out a bit to do the things she has always wanted to do. I am enjoying my life as much as possible with all the crazy shit happening in the world. The worst part about getting older is realizing how fucked the world is and not being able to really do anything about it.

Some things I am working towards doing better as I get older and some lessons learned:

1. Don’t allow other people to control your emotions. They are responsible for their own feelings and generally don’t care about what you are doing.
2. Not everything is your fault. Despite having grown up with that idea it is time to break out of that way of thinking.
3. The only person who cares about how you look is yourself. If other people are staring then let them. You are a bad, beautiful, bitch who can wear whatever she wants.
4. Speak to yourself like someone you love. Your brain listens to you. Be kind to yourself.
5. Eat the damn food.
6. Sometimes staying in is better than going out.
7. Not everyone is your friend. Choose your circle wisely. Less is more.
8. Listen more, talk less. Pay attention to how your emotions affect others as well. Especially in relationships.
9. If they ask you to block, unfollow, etc. Make sure you are doing it for yourself too and not just to please them.
10. Don’t ALWAYS be a people pleaser. Stand up for yourself. You are allowed to do things for yourself that isn’t selfish.
11. Enjoy the little things, don’t take things for granted.
12. Appreciate everything you’ve done up to this point, it was all to get you here.

There is I’m sure more there. But for now remember to love yourself, love your life, don’t let this scary world control you. Don’t let the opinions of lemmings keep you from your dreams. As always thank you for being with me.