A true friend is someone who knows you and loves you just the same – Elbert Hubbard

I think that Mr. Hubbard is a very smart man. Often I have thought about the meaning of true friendship. Usually, where I am concerned since sometimes I know I can be a not so great friend. But I’ve also wondered. Is there a point where you pass the line? Where you mess up so badly that you lose the people you love?

I have a problem where I can’t make up my mind about things and I am spontaneous. I know that that doesn’t sound bad, but it is. In high school, I often moved from group to group, boy to boy, etc. I could never make up my mind. I was a heartbreaker and a bad friend. I never knew what I wanted and the people that I needed most were right in front of me. All I ever wanted was to be thought of as a good friend and I couldn’t even accomplish that. I broke promises, hurt feelings and left people hanging. Did I go far enough to where I can’t repair what I’ve broken?

Then I think. For some I’ve been a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen and a punching bag for some who need to let off steam. I have rushed to people’s sides when they needed me, I went out and got things for people, lent people money (as well as borrowed). Tried my hardest and gave everything I had to give. I never expected anything in return. Honestly, I was happy to do anything people needed me to do. But being taken advantage of is something I’m not okay with.

I’ve had a lot of downs in my life and some friends have been there for me through it all. Never judging any of my decisions, giving advice where they thought they needed to and just helping me get by. If you have your mind set on something it doesn’t matter what anyone else says, you are going to do what you want. So, yes, I have not taken advice friends have given and I know for a fact I’ve given advice to friends that they have ignored. That’s how things go. You aren’t going to take advice from your friends 100% of the time. Sometimes you have to do what’s right for you.

One decision I made a while ago is actually what caused me to lose a few friends. My boyfriend had an issue that involved me and another person. It caused all kinds of trouble with my family, friends and with us. It took a long time and a lot of counseling for things to get back to almost normal. Some of the decisions I made caused me to lose some of my friends. Sorry, that doesn’t really clarify anything, but I’d rather not go into specifics.

Basically, I went through a really traumatic time and when I needed my friends the most some of them decided to look the other way. It stung, but honestly, there were some fucked up things going on and again, I won’t go into detail. I just want to say that I thought I knew my friends better. This was something I was going through and it had nothing to do with anyone else but me. I needed my friends’ support and some were there and some weren’t. And I’m always gonna remember who was there.

To end this little post, I just want to say, if anyone out there is reading this. Just remember: A friend is someone who stays with you no matter what, when you need them the most, and especially when you don’t deserve them.

If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best – Marilyn Monroe