You aren’t ready. You keep forcing yourself into situations where you aren’t truly happy. Yes, it’s nice to feel something and it’s nice to have the attention and feelings of belonging once in a while. But you’re never really filled completely.
You’re broken, that has been established before. That’s not a crime or something that should be shamed. Healing takes time, energy, and patience. It’s not something that you have to rush or that someone else should rush for you. Everyone heals at their own pace and you just aren’t quite there yet.
You feel terrible because you feel like you’ve led people on. You are a genuinely nice and caring person. You want to do things for other people. You just let it go farther than you expected this time. Your heart is breaking again. You don’t want to hurt anyone.
You have to keep moving though. You have to set boundaries. You have to understand that your happiness has to come before anyone else’s because otherwise, you will burn yourself out.
There are still things you haven’t come to terms with. People you still love. People you still haven’t moved on from. Things that you mentally haven’t healed from. You can’t explain them all and you probably will never be able to, but you’re working on it.
It’s a long road filled with many opportunities, love, and loss. That will never change, but for now, you need to take care of yourself and remember that you aren’t doing anything wrong. Just trying to live life in the moment and get through every day.
You never know where life is going to take you. Everything changes at a moments notice. Just try not to plan too far ahead. Life doesn’t go how you expect it to.
Love yourself more.