Cloud Nine…

14 hours to see you.
Open road. Ultimate playlist. Screaming to every song.
Laughing, crying, thinking.
Therapy. Cathartic. Letting everything out.
Excitement, anticipation, nerves. Even after all this time.
Seeing you makes me feel a certain kind of way.

You’re coming. I was sleepy, but too excited to rest.
Then it was your lap.
Finally having your lips on mine.
Everything always fits the way it’s supposed to.
It isn’t fair.

Pure bliss.
Nothing but happiness.
Can’t remember why I was so stressed before.
Remembering darker things.
I don’t mean to bring up bad topics since we never have time.
Guilt. I just want to enjoy this….

Time is running out.
Can’t see you today. Sadder.
Remember this is the cycle.
Get a little number.
It’s alright.
This is how you get to have him.

I love him.
Source of calm.
Best so far.
Tired of searching.
It’s always like we were never apart when we’re together.

Too selfish to let go.
Do I want to?
No.
The past always comes back to haunt.
I just want my happy ending.

Maybe this is it.
Always temporary.
Endless loops.
Chasing smoke.

I want to believe in myself.
I just can’t.
Why am I not enough?
Why am I not worthy?
I have so much to offer.
Just not what people want.

Pain.
Sad eyes.
Old soul.
Choices.
I’ll be alright in the end.

If it isn’t alright then it isn’t the end.

For now I’ll sit on my little cloud and enjoy the bliss until another 14 hours back.

Back to the darkness.

Back to uncertainty.

But it’ll be alright.

Everything happens for a reason and you’re mine.

The reason I smile when I’m at my lowest.
The reason I have to believe I’m worth it.
The reason I fight to be here.
The reason I have even a shred of self confidence in myself.
The reason I know this is it.

You’re my cloud nine and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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